Never fake your “O” face ever again.
Ladies, are you getting yours? Research shows that only 57% of women orgasm with their partner during sex.
Comparatively, their partners are reported to orgasm 95% of the time. Talk about unfairness in the bedroom. Despite our access to information and sex topics growing less taboo every day, there is still a weird, uncomfortable agent that still exists for many people when it comes to discussing climax. The female orgasm has a perpetual reputation as an enigma, many men and women still don’t understand the truth about “squirting,” the male orgasm is widely still considered as the “end point” of sex or the sole goal, and it’s partly because the lines of communication regarding sexual intercourse and foreplay are winding, dark, and twisted. For many it’s easier to remain silent rather than to open up and directly have a conversation about what they want. But it’s time we start talking about the big “O.” After all, vulnerability and communication are the only way for you and your partner to get there.
Be the one to initiate.
The conversation, not the romp in the sack. (Well, actually, that, too if that’s something you want to do!) Start by opening yourself up to rejection—AKA getting vulnerable—and working on widening those lines of communication. Say something to your partner like, “I’d like to to explore more ways to experience orgasms during sex. Are you game?”
Set an intention.
The goal of sex doesn’t always have to be a male climax every single time. Sometimes the goal can be pure intimacy, or amazing foreplay, trying something new, or a female orgasm. Set your intention out loud before having sex so there’s no unnecessary pressure. If you and your partner are looking to experiment in a safe environment, then voice that so you’re both able to try new encounters without the looming pressure of a male orgasm to make the experience “worth it.”
Exchange five things.
It’s time to get even more vocal. Start by telling your partner, “Five things I love about our sex are…” and go into details about the things your partner does that work for you. Then ask your partner to give you five things, too. Communicating what you both already like will help open new doors for discovering more things you both like.
Talk about sex when you’re not having sex.
Talk about sex in the shower or during breakfast or after sex or while you’re in your work cubicle by sending a text. “I absolutely loved when you…” Keeping those lines open, even when you’re not naked keeps you both metaphorically naked with each other and establishes a strong link. It signifies to both you and your partner that talking about orgasms and sex isn’t awkward, that it’s always on the table, and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
Return the favor.
Make your orgasm exploration about both of you. If your partner is going above and beyond (by going down and beyond!) then make sure your partner feels your gratitude. Return the favor by always keeping open lines of communication regarding what he or she wants, too. If your partner tries something on you, ask if he or she would like you to reciprocate. By exploring your sexuality together, you’re both upping your chances at experiencing some pretty amazing orgasms and also strengthening your relationship as a couple.
How do you talk about orgasms with your partner? Tell us your tips and experiences in the comments below.