Why Some Women Prefer Masturbation to Sex

Why Some Women Prefer Masturbation to Sex

56 percent of women-identifying people said that masturbation leads to a better orgasm, while 19 percent of men feel the same way.

In a SuperDrug study with 1,000 people, 88 percent of those who identified as women said that they masturbated twice a week, and 24 percent of them preferred it to intercourse. 56 percent of participants explained that for them masturbation led to a more fulfilling orgasm. The deeper the study went the more that was learned about women’s masturbating preferences — 38 percent of women said that porn was their go-to for visuals, more than 10 percent relied on fantasies about their significant other, literature, or fantasies involving strangers. For both binaries, masturbation is important, even though our intentions and stimulation may differ. Gizmodo even published an article where they spoke to scientists and psychologists who were in favor of masturbation breaks at work to reduce aggression and stress.

While I know all about the orgasm gap, I was still curious as to what other women thought about the study, especially since masturbation and women is still a bit of a taboo topic (yes, we aren’t the only ones using our hands).

As for myself, I prefer sex over masturbation. I’ve always said, “I need a pair of lips to kiss,” and I’m talking about lips on the face. I need hair pulling, back scratching, and neck snogging. While I have a large assortment of toys, I prefer my partner. Maybe it’s love, or maybe it’s just good sex. I found in many of the women that I spoke to that yes, bad sex was the cause for many of them resorting to masturbation. When I asked the question, “Is masturbating better than sex?” most of the women I spoke to all had the same response: “It depends on who it’s with!”

“I would rather have a solo session by myself than sleep with someone who doesn’t care about my orgasm,” says Amanda.*

For women, 68 percent favor having sex because of the intimacy, and for men, 71 percent find that satisfaction is the most important (only 58 percent of women agree with this). But when your partner is using you as a “thing to masturbate with for themselves,” which one friend wrote to me, it leaves you feeling a bit empty, and also extremely annoyed. “Why do I need you here?” says Kate* about being intimate with a partner who doesn’t satisfy their needs. “I can have a for sure orgasm with masturbating in a few minutes instead of having sex for twenty minutes and it resulting in nothing,” she continues.

One friend, Eve* says, “I love both so much that I don’t think I can choose!” followed by a slew of emojis.

When speaking to friends, peers, strangers I found that there is a split down the middle on how many prefer sex and how many prefer masturbating.

Tonya* tells me, “I get off on making myself orgasm. I know my body better than anyone.” So while many of  us may not openly talk about it and sex education may choose to ignore our contribution to it, women are masturbating and they are very much enjoying it.

When I ask Tonya* why she thinks that masturbation feels better than intercourse with a partner she says, “I’ve just had more time with my body. It’s nothing against my partners, really. I’ve just laid in bed longer with my clitoris…” Through experimentation and exploration, women are able to fine-tune their techniques on themselves. “Many guys don’t want you to tell them that they are doing something wrong, or that they should move this way, or touch you this way. They get so offended,” says Kate.

Josh Hancock writes on Bish that “solo sex is sex.” He continues, “Try as they might, another person often just can’t touch you in just the right way that you want to touch yourself. Of course one answer is to masturbate next to your partner. But even then the other person might just put you off your game. So if this is you and you think you’d prefer to just do it by yourself, that’s totally fine.”

Moreover, penis in vagina isn’t a default way to have intercourse, so why did it end up that way? While the history is dense and it’s rooted in medieval times, it’s mostly sitting on a foundation of religion and reproduction. This is why masturbation is seen as a taboo subject—it’s interfering with the so-called “natural” laws of the world, a.k.a pregnancy. And for some, PIV intercourse just doesn’t do the trick when it comes to having an orgasm. Oral sex, clitoral stimulation, and performance are all key in achieving a successful romp with a penis. And look, sometimes, masturbation is just easier. Plain and simple.

But of course, why is any of this even surprising? It definitely feeds into the idea that masturbation is still a very taboo topic, even in the wake of what seems to be a sexual revolution. Yes, women enjoy masturbating more than intercourse, and while only 16 percent of men prefer masturbating to sex, they still do it more (with 24 percent of women preferring it). For many, a woman enjoying herself is dangerous—pleasure is taboo, pleasure is never a solo act.

However, in the future, for the sake of science and research, let’s all agree on discovering self-pleasure and carrying that onwards into 2018 and beyond.

*names have been changed

COURTESY OF GETTYIMAGES