Twenty years ago, a big relationship step was meeting the parents, moving in together, saying I love you.
Those are still big steps in relationships, but with the dawn of the technology age there are suddenly many more ways to connect with a person. Now, a big relationship step could be anything from making it Facebook official to getting two pink hearts on Snapchat to sharing your Google calendar. For polyamorous couple Sage and Eliza, sharing their calendars was an important step in their relationship, both for emotional and practical reasons.
Sage and Eliza are each other’s primary relationship and both have multiple other partners. Being able to see each other’s calendars has helped make the balance infinitely easier.
“I have 2 jobs, so I’m super busy and it’s also important to me that my partner(s) have a full life outside of our time together,” says Sage. “Being able to see the calendars make it easier to plan time that’s easy for both of us without too much going back and forth. Also, it’s easier to guess how worn out they might be, so I’m not asking someone to go to a late night event after they’ve worked all day.”
Eliza agrees, “It has definitely made things much easier. Before, we had to each look at our calendars and figure out when we were free or if we could move things around. Now I can just look at their calendar when making plans.” Also, both Eliza and Sage find it difficult to remember all the schedules of all their partners, sharing calendars has taken the guesswork out of trying to remember the other’s schedule.
Sharing a calendar is more than just a practicality; it was an important emotional step in Sage and Eliza’s relationship. They shared their calendars with each other around the four-month mark “Your calendar is a really personal thing,” Sage explains, “sharing them and letting someone into your life that way is really intimate. It sounds weird, but it also helps me to feel close to someone and know they trust me.”
The practicality and intimacy of sharing calendars isn’t just for poly couples. Kelly is a nanny and a part-time student and her partner is currently doing her medical residency. They share a Google spreadsheet of their calendars to make planning dates around their work and school schedules. They also keep a running list at the bottom for date nights (so cute, so stealing this).
As self-proclaimed type A women it was helpful for both Kelly and her partner to see their schedules laid out next to each other. It also helps with Kelly’s anxiety, “The spreadsheet totally puts me at ease when, for instance, she unexpectedly needs to take a night off. I can look at our calendar and see that she just went to class for 8 hours and voila, like that, it helps with my anxious, insecure tendencies.”
Although it doesn’t seem like it on the surface, sharing a calendar is an intimate experience. Allowing a partner to know what you are doing all day is simply another way to let somebody in and in the age of cyberbullying and sexually explicit Tinder messages, it’s nice to know there’s a part of the Internet that is helping and not hindering relationships.
All names have been changed for privacy purposes.
COVER IMAGE COURTESY OF GETTY IMAGES.