For some, faking an orgasm is just the fastest way to end a sexual encounter that they are no longer interested in.
However for some, faking results may be an endless string of bad sex. Faking an orgasm is something that seems like a harmless time saver, but it actually can have negative effects on your relationship and on any future sexual encounters. In fact, faking can sometimes cause a lot more problems than it solves.
Studies show that up to about 80% of women report having faked an orgasm, while only 25% of men report the same. The frequency with which women fake orgasms reflects on how we expect women to be compliant and agreeable in all situations, including sexual ones. For many women, it’s easier to just pretend that the sex is good rather than having to explain their discomfort to their partner.
While it isn’t always tied to physical sensations, your partner’s actions do play a large part in whether or not you achieve orgasm. When you fake an orgasm with a partner who was not able to satisfy you, you are encouraging that person to continue doing those things that you were unhappy with. When you don’t tell your partner that they are either doing something you aren’t enjoying or not doing something that you wish they would do, it’s impossible for them to correct their actions. Your partner is not a mind reader and they rely on you to tell them if they’re doing things that you enjoy or not.
When you fake, it puts you in a position of either having to admit that you lied about having an orgasm previously, or it forces you to have to continue doing those things that you didn’t like. What was supposed to be a one-time thing can quickly spiral into having to repeatedly fake it if your partner has come to expect that kind of response from you during sex. Chances are that your partner would feel terrible if they knew that they were continuing to do something that made you uncomfortable, which may end up in them becoming upset with you for lying. This kind of distrust can cause issues in your relationship that span far beyond the bedroom. You should be able to be open and honest with your partner in all areas of your relationship, sex included.
Another reason that faking your orgasms isn’t good for you is that it turns sex into a competition with an end goal, instead of an experience for you and your partner. While everyone has their own reasons for having sex, the bottom line is that sex should be enjoyable for both people. It shouldn’t be stressful for either of you, and it definitely shouldn’t be something that makes you feel like you should holdback or lie to each other.
Faking also encourages you to feel guilty for not being able to have an orgasm. There are many things that can affect one’s ability to orgasm including things that are physical, mental, and emotional. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex or not coming during it. Sex doesn’t always have to have an end goal, it can just be about you and your partner connecting and making each other feel good. If you approach sex with the mindset that a lack of orgasm is somehow a failure, it already makes you more tense and less likely to enjoy it.
Sex is way more enjoyable when both partners are getting what they want, even if the end goal doesn’t include an orgasm. Being honest and trusting with your partner may be the key to having good, fun sex. So don’t be afraid to tell your partner that you prefer it a specific way, because it’s always better to loop them in instead of them up for a failure that will leave you feeling dissatisfied and annoyed.