Sexuality is hard enough to navigate as it is; we definitely don’t need social consequences and bullying to make it worse. Read below for our interview with Emily Lindin, who works to break down the social and mental pain of slut shaming that happens as a result of our current state of sex education and stigma.
For readers who may not know, what is The UnSlut Project, and what inspired you to start it?
Emily Lindin: The UnSlut Project is a movement that uses personal story sharing to work toward the normalization of authentic female sexuality and to undo the effects of “slut” shaming and victim blaming. I started it after hearing about the deaths of Phoebe Prince, Audrie Pott, Rehtaeh Parsons, and other girls who had decided to take their own lives after being “slut” shamed. I, too, had been sexually bullied in middle school and had considered taking my own life because of it. So I thought that blogging my diary entries from that time, I could provide some perspective to girls who were currently suffering and to adults who were trying to help them.
In sharing my personal story, I invited people of all genders, ages, races, and walks of life to share their own experiences with “slut” shaming, and the project has grown into a supportive, diverse online community.
What is slut shaming and sexual bullying? How could someone who is a victim of these recognize it?
EL: I always write the term as “slut” shaming, since “slut” is a concept I’m working to undo. I define “slut” shaming as implying that a girl or woman should feel guilty or inferior for her real—or perceived—sexual behavior.
Sexual bullying is the same idea, but it involves a power imbalance inherent in all bullying. Almost all of us have been the targets of “slut” shaming and/or sexual bullying at some point in our lives, and recognizing that it’s happening requires some critical thinking. We need to be able to separate ourselves from the shame we feel and to recognize that it’s misplaced; we don’t need to feel ashamed because of someone else’s perception of us. We don’t need to give them that power.
Could you provide some numbers around their prevalence and impact—how is sexual stigma harmful for young children?
EL: The AAUW did a study in 2011 that produced some scary statistics about sexual harassment in schools. Here’s a link to a simple PowerPoint presentation of their findings – their website is worth exploring, as well!
What are your hopes for your future and the future of The UnSlut Project?
EL: My hope for UnSlut: A Documentary Film is that it reaches people who haven’t ever considered the negative impact of “slut” shaming and helps them reconsider their role in shaping this culture. My book, UnSlut: A Diary and a Memoir, will be released on December 27, 2015 of this year. I hope it reaches girls who can relate to what I went through being labeled a “slut” in middle school and provides them with the hope that they, too, can survive this time. Finally, I hope that in a decade or so, this project is completely unnecessary. I hope the word “slut” won’t even make sense as an insult.
What is one lesson you’ve learned since working in sex education?
EL: I’ve been surprised and heartened to see how much parents and teachers want to be able to help their children navigate sexual issues, even if the general awkwardness they feel around the topic can sometimes prevent them from doing so. They just need the tools and the support from their communities and the culture as a whole.
Can you describe one of your proudest moments since starting The UnSlut Project?
EL: I was so proud the first time a girl got in touch with me because her mother had shared The UnSlut Project with her. That was exactly the reason I started this project – to help start these conversations between girls who need to know they weren’t alone and the adults in their lives who could help them. Since then, it’s happened many times, and it always makes my heart feel so big.
Why is it essential for all ages to have access to comprehensive sex education?
EL: Comprehensive sex education is essential not just for reducing unwanted pregnancies and the spread of STIs, but for undoing the stigma that surrounds sexual activity. The widespread implementation seems like a no-brainer, but it’s being held back because of our fear of talking about sex in age-appropriate ways with young people.
But now, especially with the ubiquity of online porn, there is no way to avoid being exposed to sexuality early on. We need to give our kids the media literacy and critical thinking skills to be able to navigate what they see online and on TV, starting at an early age.
Do you have any advice for young girls who are victims of slut shaming?
EL: Every situation is different, but one strategy works across the board, and that is to redefine yourself—in your own mind first, without worrying about the way others perceive you. “Slut” shaming really becomes dangerous when you internalize the reputation others have given you, when you start to believe you’re really “just a slut” and nothing more. But you don’t need to let others define you!
Start spending time on an activity or skill you like doing, get better at it, and embrace your new identity as a burgeoning fashion designer, soccer player, watercolor artist, Italian speaker, or whatever it is that you’re passionate about. You really cannot control what other people say about you, but you can control whether you let it affect you.
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