Are Orgasms the Goal of Sexual Experiences? Here’s What Should Be

Are Orgasms the Goal of Sexual Experiences? Here’s What Should Be

When we talk about sexual pleasure, we usually focus on one thing: the orgasm.

It comes as no surprise, then, that when the time comes (pun always intended) for women to celebrate and prioritize their sexual pleasure, they often talk about it in one very specific way. Celebrities such as Amy Schumer and Nicki Minaj have stated that women should demand orgasms from their (male) partners, in a trend called “orgasm equality.” But as writer Rachel Kramer Bussel explores in this article for Dame Magazine, orgasm equality might not be as black-and-white as it seems.

There are many reasons not to focus on orgasm as the singular goal of a sexual experience; some sex educators object to the idea of goal-focused sex at all.

Writer and sex educator JoEllen Notte says, “For people dealing with medical or psychological conditions that make orgasm difficult or even impossible, the idea that women (or really, anyone) ‘should’ have an orgasm adds an unnecessary layer of stress and tells those people that there’s nothing for them to enjoy because no orgasm equals a bad experience, which is so not true.”

Bussel also points out that “even if you think you are doing the right thing in bed by trying to ‘give’ your lover an orgasm, the greatest thing you can do for them is actually listen to what they are saying about their own body.”

You can find even more discussion of orgasm justice in this wonderful blog post by queer Latina sexuality educator Aida Manduley, who is also quoted in the Dame article.

What do you think? Do women have a right to orgasm? Tell us in the comments!

Cover image courtesy of Shutterstock.