A Beginner’s Guide to Partnered Sex Toys

A Beginner’s Guide to Partnered Sex Toys

I have always been a huge advocate for sex toys in the bedroom.

They can be an easy way to change it up with a partner, but they can also be a hard topic to bring up with a partner. So, I present you with a simple and easy guide to buying toys with your partner.


First and foremost, you need to talk to your partner about what you like, what you want, and what you don’t want. Establish a safe word (a word that is completely unsexy to use if you need to stop) and do your research. Spend some time cuddling in bed while perusing a sex toy shop online (my favorites are Good Vibrations, Babeland, and Adam and Eve). Really spend time talking about it before you buy, sex toys can be expensive so it is better to be sure before you purchase.


Start simple

If you are new to sex toys, allow yourself to start simple. Ease in with massage oil (I like this one) or get even hotter (pun intended) with a massage candle. When you’re ready to move on, try using a vibrator and/or a cock ring with your partner. Vibrators can be used both on the clitoris and the shaft of the penis to add some extra stimulation to your sexy time. Cock rings are placed at the base of the penis to slow blood flow, which causes erections to last longer (it can also offer some fun vibration for the clitoris). If you are in a penis-vagina relationship, I recommend the Ooh London Love In Pack by Je Joue, which comes with a vibrating base and interchangeable attachments (one is a simple vibrator for the clit and one is a cock ring).




Get Consent

Bondage can be hella fun, but requires an extra level of consent. Please, please only engage in BDSM play if all parties involved are excited and consenting. For handcuffs, I cannot recommend Sportsheets enough. The cuffs are durable and strong while still being comfortable and their under-the-bed restraint kit is to die for (as well as perfect for fully body restraining). They also make cuffs for all situations: over the door, in the shower, in bed with or without a headboard, and more. For an extra bit of fun, use a bandana or a shirt as a blindfold (you can also buy actual blindfolds, but they aren’t worth the money). Sportsheets also makes a range of crops, whips, floggers, and paddles to add some dominant/submissive play. In general, crops and whips are a stingy pain, paddles are a thuddy pain, and floggers are in between. Test these out in the store on your thigh or forearm before purchasing to see what you and your partner(s) like best.

Explore Classics

The most tried and true partnered sex toy is the strap-on. Although often seen as only for lesbians, any pairing can use a strap-on (we all have butts and pegging is totally a thing, just ask Abbi from Broad City). Strap-ons are made up of a harness and dildo, usually sold separately. Harnesses come in a variety of styles from single strap (similar to a thong) to thigh harnesses to harnesses built into underwear. What is most important to pay attention to when choosing a harness is comfort and pleasure. The best way to figure this out is to go to the store and check them out! I highly recommend buying harnesses in person as opposed to online. Same goes for the dildos you place inside the harness. You’ll want to make sure the dildo is the right length and girth for you and your partner and also that it will fit properly into the harness you choose. So go to the store! My favorite is the tried and true, Good Vibrations. The staff is amazing and the products are endless.

This list most certainly does not cover every sex toy out there or every step in what it takes to use them. There are hundreds of different ways to play with a partner, but this should be a good start. Good luck, get consent, and have fun!