90% of men achieve orgasms on average, with a staggering comparison to 65% of women.
A vagina doesn’t have to be complicated, and it most certainly isn’t. Despite what many may generalize about a woman’s climax, genitals aren’t hard to decode.
Paula England, a sociology professor at Stanford University said, “The orgasm gap is an inequity that’s as serious as the pay gap, and it’s producing a rampant culture of sexual asymmetry.” The gap, which is closely linked to cis-women, comes with the publication of a new study by W.W. Norton whose findings proved that college women have “orgasms half as often as men on repeat hookups and only a third of the time in first-time hookups.” Men aren’t only lacking in casual hookups, though. The study surveyed first hookups, three or more hookups, and relationships, and found that men orgasmed twice as more than their partners. The study also discovered that the ratio of oral sex was “4-to-1 in his favor.”
While the study, which claims that women only achieve an orgasm 50-60% of the time may reinforce the skewed stereotype that a woman’s body is more complicated, this only supports the impact of sociological and cultural factors that contribute to a successful sexual experience.
There are several myths about a woman’s sexuality that the public considers true. For example, women are less sexual and therefore, don’t enjoy sex as much as men. Prioritizing an orgasm for a woman may not be acknowledged because of the stereotype that women won’t enjoy the act regardless of how hard you pump, hump, and caress. This can be quickly expunged due to much of the research that exists on the internet and beyond. Lesbian women have more orgasms than heterosexual women and the average woman experiences an orgasm under four minutes when masturbating. So, what gives?
Male pleasure in pornography, male pleasure in hook up culture, lack of communication and education can all be blamed for why the male orgasm is put on a pedestal in comparison to a woman’s.
Think about how a porno ends: the “money shot,” the culmination of the male orgasm. Think about the in-between moments of mainstream porn: blow jobs, blow jobs, blow jobs. Where’s the cunnilingus? The main goal of porn is to feature a male’s ejaculation, their partners pleasure is secondary.
These roles that are played out in pornographic films or in the media can be carried over to the roles played in the bedroom and in real life. “Traditionally, heterosexual women are placed in the ‘passive/submissive’ role of the giver, while heterosexual men were placed in the ‘dominant’ role of the receiver,” said researcher Jessica Wood of the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality. Since cis-men are simply reenacting what they see, or read, they are not interested in making sure their partner is enjoying sex as much as they are. “Did you cum?” is a question that can appear emotionless and lethargic after sex. Cumming and having an orgasm with your partner should involve heavy communication, before and during, not just after.
The media largely contributes to the orgasm gap, as publications like Cosmo taught me, and many other young sexual readers that pleasing “your man,” and specifically cis-men is at the top of the list. The probability of young men reading magazines about pleasing a woman is slim, very slim.
Sex education has its obvious problems within the school systems. Lack of dialogue, inclusiveness, and basic curriculum often skip over female pleasure and focus on wet dreams, periods, and erections. Already, our bodies were associated with making babies, while boys’ were associated with sexual arousal and pleasure.
Finally, because of all of these characteristics, women are not open to discussing what they are interested in exploring sexually and are therefore accommodating their partner and ignoring their own desires. Sexual stimulation should not be one-sided, especially if you are pleasing your partner in hopes of reciprocation. This is where dialogue is key, and necessary. Discussing your needs with your partner, whether it’s a hookup, a relationship, or a marriage, should give you the opportunity to discuss the satisfaction that you want. Since every penis, and vagina, is different, communication as to what you enjoy should be an important aspect of your sex life.
30% of women have an orgasm with only penetration, while 70% cannot have any orgasm with penetration. Some individuals enjoy clitorial stumulation, while others do not. The only way to find out is by talking to your partner and discussing your needs, wants, and cravings.
Achieve that climax. Aim for that orgasm. Conquer that bedroom.
Put up a fight with these cultural myths. Don’t let the books tell you that an orgasm is out of reach. If you aren’t that interested in achieving an orgasm, that’s also no problem whatsoever. But a discussion about sex and intimacy should also be pertinent if you are interested in experiencing regular orgasms. Don’t let the toxicity of the publics association with female sexuality own your ability to enjoy your sex life. Let’s shatter those glass ceilings across all gaps.