If you’re childfree, you know that finding other childfree people can be hard.
You might know folks who don’t have kids, but you might not necessarily know if it’s on purpose or if the person has been struggling with infertility for years. With “Why don’t you have children?” being such a loaded (and terrible) question, there has to be a better way of finding other childfree humans. Fortunately, visible and robust childfree communities exist, and it’s getting easier to find them.
Here are 4 resources targeted at us childfree people.
Tie My Tubes: A Radio Documentary Series
Tie My Tubes was created by Brie Ripley, a childfree woman in search a tubal ligation, who’s often told that she’ll regret it when she’s older. In the first episode of Tie My Tubes, called “A Double Slap in the Face,” Ripley, who was 22 when she began looking for a doctor to permanently sterilize her, records a conversation with a doctor she asks to tie her tubes, and also tackles the racist history of forced sterilization of women of color, and the irony of women who do want to be sterilized, but can’t find a doctor willing to do it.
The second episode of Tie My Tubes is forthcoming, but in the meantime, check out the project’s Facebook page for updates and resources.
Mater Mea
Mater Mea is a website and a podcast about black professional women and motherhood. In Episode 6 of the podcast, “I Ain’t Birthin’ No Babies,” host Anthonia Akitunde talks to Shauna Stewart and Lelita Cannon, two childfree black women, about their decision not to have kids, and what it’s like to be a childfree woman of color.
“I Ain’t Birthin’ No Babies” is a super important listen. It reminds us that race, class, ethnicity, sexuality, and other identities, as well as these identities in a historical context, impact the experience of being childfree.”We have this image of the black family that we’ve been holding onto for so long,” says Stewart. “There was a point in time when we weren’t even allowed to get married, and now we can get married, now we can have kids, but we forget that there are segments of the black population who don’t want to have kids, and we don’t make room for them.”
we’re {not} having a baby
we’re {not} having a baby is online community for childfree people. Amy and Lance Blackstone have been married and childfree for over twenty years (they got married in 1995). According to Amy, they created the community, which includes a blog, research about the childfree (Amy is a sociologist who studies it), stories from other childfree folks, and more, because “we wanted a place to celebrate our choice, find camaraderie with other childfree people, and bust myths – based on social science knowledge – about what people think they know about who makes the choice and why.” If you recognize Amy and Lance’s desire to find a childfree community that reflects a diversity of experiences and motivations, this is definitely the place for you. It is difficult and frustrating to feel like you’re the only one, and frequently as childfree folks, we do. W{n}ab is here to connect us to one another, making us feel a little less alone.
My So-Called Selfish Life
Therese Shechter makes films that disturb what we’ve come to believe is sacred. Her documentary, How to Lose Your Virginity, interrogates the very notions of virginity and sexual purity, and how our collective obsession with it screws up our sex lives. In My So-Called Selfish Life, her latest work in progress, Shechter talks to women across the reproductive spectrum who, like her, are childfree. Among her questions: Are we selfish for not having kids? What does selfish even mean? Will society ever accept a woman’s decision not to have kids? Could our other accomplishments possibly matter as much as having a baby would?
“I want women, especially young women, to know they have a choice on whether or not to become a mother,” said Shechter. “This film is going to look at the ways in which our society should be affirming that choice, from the conversations we have with our families, to how we’re depicted in popular culture, to gaining our full reproductive rights.”
Visit the My So-Called Selfish Life’s website to tell your own story of being childfree, learn how you can support the project, find resources, and connect on Facebook.
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