There comes a moment in the life of many sexual folks in which a certain (often giggly) question arises: What vibrator should I buy?
Vibrators, in all their glorious shapes, sizes, and materials, are some of the most beloved and publicly recognized sex toys out there. They have a rich and fascinating history, have made special guest appearances in TV shows ranging from How I Met Your Mother to Mad Men, and are the topic of much debate about individual sexual pleasure and empowerment.
Despite their (literal and figurative) power, vibrators suffer from the many of the same misconceptions and discomforts we carry surrounding sex in general. People are either unwilling, uncomfortable, or unsure of where to look for resources about what they want to do before they do it. But for optimal pleasure and safety, sex takes research – and vibrators are no exception. That’s where I come in!
Types of Vibrators
Vibrators, like other sex toys, vary in near-infinite, beautiful ways. Some vibrators are designed for purely external use, because while internal vibration feels great for some folks, most of us are more sensitive on the surface – especially the clitoris, the corona of the penis, and the first couple of inches into the vagina or anus. External vibrators may come attached to rings that go over fingers or penises; they may take the shape of an egg or a “bullet”; they might derive from the famous (formerly Hitachi) Magic Wand Original. Some external vibes can be inserted, but make sure that anything you put in your anus has a base or a ring for your finger, so that you don’t lose it up your bum.
Some vibrators are designed for internal use, meaning they can be inserted into a vagina or anus, and while some are designed to resemble a human penis, many are slimmer and/or are curved to stimulate your G-spot or prostate. With internal vibrators, it’s usually best to err on the longer side: if it’s too long, you don’t have to insert the entire toy, after all. Similarly, if it’s designed for internal use, you can always transfer it to external stimulation! When it comes to width, don’t buy the biggest, widest toy just because you’ve heard “bigger is better.” All bodies are different, and you can estimate what width will work for you based on what you’ve enjoyed in the past – is one finger enough? Two? Are you used to a penis, butt plug, or dildo of a certain size?
Many vibrators are also designed for dual stimulation – the “rabbit vibrators” made famous by Sex and the City. These are very popular, but are unlikely to (as in the show) lead to unhealthy obsession and alienation from friends. If anything, it’s probably worth getting a versatile vibrator that focuses on only one area at a time so that you can discover what works for you with a bit more freedom of motion.
Materials
Unfortunately, our government is so unable to acknowledge the existence and popularity of sex toys that they don’t regulate the materials used to manufacture those toys. Fortunately, you can check the packaging to identify what the toy is made of!
The most common body-safe materials are silicone, medical grade stainless steel, glass, Pyrex, ABS hard plastic, and elastomer. Of these, hard plastic and elastomer (a harmless compound that is often soft like jelly toys) are the most affordable options – and if you are indeed buying your first vibrator, I advise being frugal while you’re still learning what you like. Unless merchandise is faulty, sex toy stores tend not to have generous return policies for obvious reasons.
Most sex toys that are sold are made of a material called jelly latex, which is made out of PVC plastic and is not body-safe. Jelly toys are the ugly result of lack of regulation, and they leak toxins that can cause kidney and liver cancer, as well as irritation to your genitals and lasting damage to reproductive organs. These toxins leak into your body’s fat after a certain amount of shelf life or after movement or exposure to heat. And as you can imagine, it’s hard to protect your sex toys from heat or motion. If your toy is scented, or if it naturally smells like a shower curtain or a new car (just a couple comparisons I’ve heard), it’s probably a jelly toy. Don’t trust it just because it exists – check the label to make sure your toy is made out of a safe material.
Speeds and Batteries
Vibrators vary in the speeds and rhythms they offer. For a first vibrator, don’t get a toy that only has one or two variations. Try to get one that has at least a few options, so that you have more variety to choose from as you learn what works for you. This being said, you probably don’t need to buy a toy that has 50 different speed-rhythm combinations; this might be a bit overwhelming, and potentially more expensive. Also make sure that you can easily control these factors while using the toy, so that you can switch it up as you go!
A lot of cheap vibrators, especially smaller ones like bullets, may take batteries that are hard to remove and replace. Keep an eye out for these, and try to get toys that are rechargeable or that take AA or AAA batteries. This will also help you keep your toy in good shape – you should take the batteries out while you are not using it, to preserve and prolong its life (and to make sure it doesn’t accidentally turn on and burn out the batteries).
Purchasing, Maintenance, and Use
There are many wonderful sex shops out there, and there may be great ones right in your neighborhood! If you’re looking online, I encourage you to buy from legit and educational sex shops like SheVibe, Good Vibrations, Babeland, Smitten Kitten, and myriad others rather than through a big site or second-hand seller without warranty or accountability. The Internet is also home to magical sex toy reviewers who want only the best for you and your genitals! My favorites are Hey Epiphora and the incredible Oh Joy Sex Toy by Erika Moen, both of whom write about many topics besides toys as well.
While you’re shopping around, throw some lube in the cart if you don’t have some already! Lubricant is an absolute must for maximizing pleasure and safety in most sexual scenarios, and certainly with toys. Just know that silicone lube should not be used with silicone toys, and that oil-based lube erodes latex. And while we’re on the topic of latex – safer sex concerns still apply with toys.
While silicone, stainless steel, glass, and Pyrex can often be sterilized using boiling water or bleach, plastic and elastomer cannot be sterilized. You can and should clean all of your toys between uses, with toy cleaner (also sold at sex shops) or with regular hand soap and water, which is just as good and cheaper. But if your toy is made of a “non-sterilizable” material, you should put a condom or dental dam over it when using it with partners. A condom can also make for easy transference between your own anus and vagina if you don’t want to take a break to wash the toy.
Remember: Sexual activity of all sorts needs to be learned. Just as consistent partners learn each other’s bodies over time, you can experiment with your toy over time and learn the ways that it works for your body. Try stimulating yourself as you usually do before using your vibrator for the first time, so that you’re already turned on before you apply it, and be creative about how you use it in different moments!
You can also be creative in what you use as a vibrator – if you’re under 18 and unable to purchase a vibrator, or want to try out vibration before you buy something, try the classic electric toothbrush or muscle massager lying around the house. Hopefully your research pays off in orgasms and self-love galore.
Cover image courtesy of Shutterstock.
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