According to a March 2017 paper published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, American adults are having less sex now than they did 20 years ago.
Despite the fact that sexual attitudes have relaxed over time, with more people approving of premarital sex and same-sex couples, we are having less sex. The authors suggest a few different reasons including people being more depressed, medications and possibly environmental endocrine disruptors that interfere with and lower sex drive.
All this being said, sex doesn’t have to be another thing to check off your to do list, it can be a fun and engaging moment spent with yourself and your partner. Plus, the health benefits of sex are not to be ignored — studies have found that it improves immunity, increases happiness and reduces risk of heart disease and depression.
So, what’s a person to do? If you’re short on time, but high on energy, start with these four techniques you can strengthen without even leaving your home!
Mindfulness during sex is not to be trivialized. Give yourself this time to ignore the rest of the problems of the world and instead focus on yourself. You can start by practicing meditation as a whole — turn to apps if you can’t attend a class. After you’ve mastered some of the techniques, start incorporating them into your sex life and see whether it’s a right fit for you.
Schedule it. For many couples, the thought of scheduling sex is appalling. Sex should be fun and spontaneous so why would ever need to plan it? This turns into a bit of a Catch-22 though, especially when life is at its busiest and you could benefit from the release that has no window to actually happen. Like anything else in your life, penciling it into a calendar gives it a sense of priority and can also be the first step of turning it into a habit. The more sex you have, the more you will want. So put it on the calendar. Reserve enough time to connect with your partner.
Sexpert Diva Carla recommends a minimum of 2 hours once a week. She reserves her time on Sundays and calls it sex church. This does not mean that you need to be body slamming for the whole 2 hours. Instead spend that time talking, touching and connecting with each other.
Set a timer for a range of times and take turns — the first round includes your partner doing things to you, while the next it’s your partner’s turn. The advantage of the timer is that it opens up both communication and the opportunity to engage in sex in a way that’s pleasurable for you both.
Communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. This is particularly the case when it comes to sex. According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, only 9% of couples who are uncomfortable talking about sex are happy with their sex life. But many couples don’t have the words to talk about their sexual feeling, desires, and fantasies, so for those couples writing may be an easier way to communicate. Write a journal together. Write back and forth about what you like or don’t like. Get the conversation started, then when you are feeling more comfortable talk about it.
Sex is an integral part of health and wellness, and while women are more cognizant than ever about good health by eating well, exercising and reducing stress, sex is still low on the list of priorities. Bump it up a bit and give yourself permission to have fun in this area of your life too!